Don’t Worry, Our New Stadium Will Have an Endless, Gigantic Parking Lot (McSweeney’s)

We wanted our gargantuan parking lot to be unique, so we said goodbye to boring numbered lot sections. You don’t want to park in Lot A, Section 2. You want the excitement of remembering whether you left the car in the Verizon Lot or the GrubHub: Powered by Seamless—A DoorDash Experience Lot. Here’s a hint: You parked in the Dippin’ Dots Overflow Lot and your car was towed.

Poetry.

With stadium car parks getting so large, perhaps they should build light rail networks spanning them, providing fast, frequent services to shuttle visitors between the stadium and the section where their car is.

I don’t know what’s the issue the author have, you can just build a 50 stories carpark plus 20 stories basement so it can fit 10% of the stadium capacity. Then build 9 more and there’s parking for everyone. It will cost 2 trillions but that’s what the people wanted.