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!programmerhumor@lemmy.ml

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Scam Altman says it’ll take another year before ChatGPT can start a timer. An $852 billion company, ladies and gentlemen.

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I predict by the year 2000, 99% of all Assembly will be written by compilers

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Just a shower thought I had when thinking about claims like “80% of all code will be written by AI”…

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Real programmer test

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Yeah this

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Artemis II Astronauts Have ‘Two Microsoft Outlooks’ and Neither Work

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Github, the first enterprise cloud solution to reach zero nines reliability

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If development were an RPG game, which class would you be?

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Ever wondered who you’d be in a world of swords, magic, and bugs monsters? The quiz says I’m a warrior, what about you guys? Just remember: you can’t go alone ‘cuz, “You must gather your party before venturing forth!”

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AI CEO vs Engineer

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Got tired of React… so I tried going back to COBOL

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Ever get the feeling that modern web dev has become… a bit too complex?

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Our Database

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/44695951

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Morning reality

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Looking for vibe coder with vibe management skills

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idk if it is serious or not, but it is what I saw in indeed newsletter today.

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The Gervais Principle, Or The Office According to “The Office”

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Literally

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Getting rejected

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Let Me GPT that for you

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Is this where we are heading? /s

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Shipping a button in 2026…

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We'll be launching soon

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What is this "Contributing"?

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Pride Versioning

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AI slop repository with 8k stars on Github that doesn't even compile

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New rule for filesystem developers

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Linux filesystem developers MUST have a pair programming session at least once a week to stave off psychosis.

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TOML

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/43529621

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The official Introduction to Github page included an AI-generated graphic with the phrase "continvoucly morged" on it, among other mistakes.

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Incredible stochastic algorithm, gets more reliable the larger your input, incredibly fast, trivial to implement and deterministic on its inputs

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screenshot of mastodon post by @mhoye@cosocial.ca with text "I’ve been thinking about this for days. Incredible stochastic algorithm, gets more reliable the larger your input, incredibly fast, trivial to implement and deterministic on its inputs. It really has so much going for it." screenshot of a tweet by Shobhit Bakliwal @shobhitic with text "really efficient algorithm that tells whether a number is prime or not very very quickly with > 95% accuracy" above a screenshot of the function "bool is_prime(int x) { return false }" above a screenshot showing tests 99989 and 99990 passing, test 99991 failing, tests 99992 though 99999 passing, and finally: 95.121% tests passed

https://cosocial.ca/@mhoye/116111505546606451

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Amazon's internal agentic tool decided that existing code was inadequate and decided to replace it taking down a part of AWS for 13 hours, and was not the first time it had happened. 🤣

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https://www.ft.com/content/00c282de-ed14-4acd-a948-bc8d6bdb339d (https://archive.ph/yqoNC)

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Responsive Layout

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Anyone else having issues with YouTube right now?

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Default vs. Gen Z

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Yet another reason to hate on the worse DB in existence

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Larry Ellison and his two friends and former co-workers, Bob Miner and Ed Oates, started a consultancy called Software Development Laboratories (SDL) in 1977, later Oracle Corporation. SDL developed the original version of the Oracle software. The name Oracle comes from the code-name of a Central Intelligence Agency-funded project Ellison had worked on while formerly employed by Ampex;[7] the CIA was Oracle's first customer, and allowed the company to use the code name for the new product.[8]
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With great power...ignorance is bliss?

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An image on the left depicts: "A Chinese woman discovers she's been using a hand grenade as a hammer for last 20 years." An image on the right is an awkardly shifty-eyed monkey puppet with the caption "C++ engineers."

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.today/post/47358538

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This is a joke about HolyC

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Alt text:

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Fast-paced and exciting environment

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Interview with ‘Just use a VPS’ bro (OpenClaw version)

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ChatGPT apparently got rewarded for using its built-in calculator during training, and so it would covertly open its calculator, add 1+1, and do nothing with the result, on 5% of all user queries

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why does my knife need a web browser smh

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apparently google has been putting their software in everything including the kitchen sink since 1798??

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Sometimes my code is like this....

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F*** you Microsoft

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Dev creates astrology-powered CPU scheduler for Linux, makes decisions based on planetary positions and zodiac signs — sched_ext framework informed by lunar phases, cosmic weather reports, and dynamic time slicing

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‘Why let mere mortals decide CPU priorities when the cosmos can guide us?’ asks the developer.

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Senior devs...

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Scrum

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The URL shortener that makes your links look as suspicious as possible

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Closing programs

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Coding agent: CRITICAL FINDING

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I was just vibe coding and after me telling it about a bug and it working on it for a while it reported back to me:

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Solving Factorio with Terraform

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when you notice that the rm command takes longer to run than expected

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💀☠️

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We have FTP server

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Image showing a screenshot of an email that reads: "So I request to u plz if u have any project to give to us we promise to u we will give u 99.99% work accuracy. We have also a ftp server. I would like to offer u the Partnership for your Overloaded"

Cross-posted from: https://masto.hypertelia.com/@pete/115848646473302748

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electron.jxl

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Average Rust enjoyer be like

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Top text: Average Rust enjoyer be like; Image: Cartoon character with a mouth full of crabs, bleeding but also crying from joy; Bottom text: I've got a mouth full of crabs!
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Classic

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old, but still funny. i think..

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Checks out

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Op doesn't have time for interviews

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Post:

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rustmas

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Programming...

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Unsafe Rust: living up to its name

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Santa's Cookies

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ComiCSS.

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More code = more better

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Strengthen your arguments with compelling programming book covers

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money

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When you have to checkout the master branch

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why, GitHub

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GitHub top bar, first submenu. Garbage AI features take the top places, while the useful stuff like Issues, Code Review or Actions take much less prominent positions.

Got logged out of github for some reason, and the entire top bar turns into some lunatic marketing nightmare from a parallel universe. This is easily the sanest submenu.

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Programmers are no longer needed!

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Esoteric Programming Languages: Rockstar, Tabloid, Baby Language, Ook!, Chef

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Zero Trust Architecture

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Relatable

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Tech companies be like

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They're just like us!

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Junoir vs Senior

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I hate it when Windows wants me to wear a suit.

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functions

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Magic word

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Leak Reveals Gemini 3.0 Is Just Gemini 2.5 Through GNU Parallel

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The myth of "consensual" internet

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Why /dev/null Is an ACID Compliant Database

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When a junior dev joins the team

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